Cellophanes (Playstation)

 Something that's pretty interesting, but doesn't come along very often are compilations of fake old games. I think everyone can probably agree that the pinnacle of this concept is represented by the two Game Center CX tie-in games for DS, both of which being collections of faux-Famicom (Fauxmicom?), faux-Super famicom (Super Fauxmicom?), and faux-Mega Drive (I don't have a satisfying portmanteau for this one, sorry) games, most of which are good, or even great, and would have been worth buying on their own. Cellophanes (erroneously listed on some websites as "Serofans") goes back much further than the Famicom for its inspiration, though, being a collection of homages to the primitive, maybe even rudimentary beginnings of Japanese consumer videogames.

 

There are twelve games in Cellophanes, with their inspirations ranging from the mid-seventies to the early eighties. Five of them are very simple breakout-like games, with the first being specifically a clone of Nintendo's 1979 plug-and-play game Block Kuzushi (it's also from this and a couple of the other games whence the compilation draws its title: these games had black and white graphics, with colour provided by cellophane overlays to attach to your TV screen. Cellophanes obviously just has colour pretending to be overlays, such is the mighty power of the Playstation.). There isn't much to differentiate these five from each other. One of them has dancing penguins, another has vector graphics, that's about it.

 

Then there's a few games that are all somewhat unique (from each other, at least). Mystery Planet is a spaceship game with very heavy Asteriods-like intertia, where each stage has you avoiding walls, shooting enemies, and collecting numbered panels in order. Sea Fighter has you controlling a submarine at the bottom of the screen, shooting at a battleship at the top. Between you is a different set of sea creatures for each stage, each behaving differently: some just get in the way of your shots, some shoot at you, some move erratically so you constantly have to avoid them, etc. Carnival Hunt is just a clone of SEGA's 1980 arcade game Carnival. Dragon Walker is something a little like Zoom/Amidar/Painter, where you make squares by walking across lines and avoiding enemies. You can breath fire, but the meter that allows you to do so charges very slowly, and it doesn't score you any points. 

 

Finally, there are three recreations of old-style electro-mechanical light gun games, themed around cowboys, jungle animals, and tanks, respectively. These look a lot prettier than all the other games, since they're pretending to be old painted toys rather than old videogames, with the jungle game having some particularly nicely-realised animals (for you to repeatedly shoot and kill). There's a lot of talk online saying that these games are actually compatible with the GCon-45, which is cool, but which I'm not able to try out myself.

 

As well as the games themselves, there's an "Akiba Parts Shop" menu, which allows you to unlock extra options for all of the games, presumably the thematic conceit here being that for these early games, modifications would actually need to be done to the physical hardware for this kind of thing (like that one episode of That 70s Show where they mod a Pong plug-and-play). Iy is actually a shop, though, with the currency being total minutes played in the games. I didn't unlock much here, though, partially for technical reasons (my emulator would often crash when exiting games, so my playtime wasn't recorded), but also because there really isn't much to these games, and they largely just aren't very fun or compelling. A lot of the time, I'm bored long before a single credit has ended.

 

And that's really the problem with Cellophanes: the games aren't fun. They're chore-like, even. And they don't even invoke any nostalgic sentiment in me because I wasn't a child in 1970s Japan. Like, it's an admirable exercise in authenticity, and it's nice that it exists, but I just don't want to spend any time playing it, and if you're reading this, you probably won't gt much out of it, either.