Gunnm: Martian Memory (Playstation)

 Gunnm (under its English title Battle Angel Alita) is one of my all-time favourite manga, so it's a mystery why it's taken me so long to get around to playing this adaptation of it, when the fantranslation has been out a few years already at this point. Though I also haven't read the second sequel series, Mars Chronicle, so maybe I have some subconscious aversion to stuff with Mars in the title? Anyway, none of the sequels were out yet when this game was made, but it does apparently adapt the entire original series, with all its tragedy and misery and a severely toned down version of its violence.

 

In case you don't know, the manga details the life of a cyborg girl named Alita or Gally (depending on the version), who is revived by a doctor in a post-apocalyptic world after literally wasting away on a scrapheap unconscious for an unknown, but presumably very long amount of time. The world in which the series takes place is an incredibly horrible one, of constant violence, suffering, and all-new levels of inequality made possible by the mass adoption of artificial bodies capable of replacing almost the entire human body (except for the brain and spinal cord). Even one's own bodily autonomy is subject to sale or theft, and the threat of losing everything to debt or crime is ever-present. Furthermore, everything seems to be filthy and rotting on Earth, while some unseen class with absolute power live in presumed luxury in a city in the sky. It is, essentially, the world in which conservatives want the rest of us to live.

 

Anyway, in this world, you play as Alita/Gally, and you find out that you've got deeply buried memories of being a master of Panzer Kunst, a powerful martial art created on Mars. So you become a bounty hunter, a participant in violent future sport, and more, in search of your place in the world, and hoping you'll find the secrets of your past and where they might lead you in the future. I've played about five hours of the game, which got me through the first couple of arcs, with Makaku's killing spree and Hugo's tragic obsession, and then a little way into the Motorball arc of the manga. The game's got a semi-open world structure, though it is a very small world compared to ones that would come later, and pretty much all the NPCs you meet will only ever say things related to where you need to go next.

 

The first couple of hours will mostly be spent wandering the backstreets and wastelands killing minor bounties to get the upgrades and items that'll let you beat the first few bosses. It's fine, the combat is pretty fun, and these enemies go down quick enough that the grind never feels too heavy. Something cool that happens here and there is that at certain points in the story, you get new bodies, which tend to look cooler than those before them, as well as being big upgrades statistically. Eventually, all this street combat is replaced (presumably temporarily) by Motorball matches, short beat em up-like stages with an all-new control scheme in which you smash a whole bunch of jobbers until the boss player turns up for you to fight. Structurally and mechanically, it's a pretty simple game, but there's just something about it that's very gripping, and while most of my sessions have been about an hour long each, that time flies by.

 

I think a lot of that can be attributed to the game's presentation. It looks incredible, with the Playstation's low-poly models and those dirty low resolution textures used to amazing effect at realising the grimy, horrible world of the Scrapyard. There's also some nice use of lighting, too, as each location can be lit for daylight, dusk, or night time (though these change dependent on the story, not on your actions or the passage of time), adding a whole bunch more atmosphere. Something that carries over from the manga is also the unspoken horror of the world: there are no monsters, mutants, or aliens here. Not even any autonomous robots. Every weird creature you fight, all those semi-sentient deckmen you meet who exist only to provide basic, specific services, every giant freak, or pathetic wretch put together from spare parts is someone that was once human, and still is a human brain who has found themselves, through some kind of circumstance, in the bodies you see there.

 

If you're a fan of the manga, this game is definitely worth playing, it follows the story very closely, and though the NPCs are incredibly vapid, it still does an amazing job of creating a very atmospheric theme park version of the scrapyard to explore and fight weirdos in. It is a shame how much the violence is toned down, too. Obviously, it could never have been as violent as the manga is, but this game is almost completely bloodless! Still, the flaws are relatively small compared to how fun, atmospheric, and engrossing the game as a whole is, and I definitely recommend giving it a try. Such a shame it never got an official translation at the time, too! Especially since the manga and its animated adaptation both did. 

Robo Pit 2 (Playstation)

The original Robo Pit was a game that I rented multiple times back during the Playstation's heyday. Not alone, of course: Royal Video, the local video shop let you rent one game for two pounds, or two games for three pounds, so Robo Pit was usually the undercard to whatever game was the main event: Soul Blade or Klonoa or whatever it might have been. It was a very basic game in which you built a robot and had it fight against other robots (all built from the same pool of parts to which you had access) in arena battles to gradually make your way up the ranks.

 

It was the robot building that kept me coming back: the idea of character creation was so exciting to me back then that something even vaguely close to that got my interest (I was, of course, very disappointed when the creation feature that had been made so much of in magazine previews of Rival Schools wasn't included in the European version of that game. Furthermore, WWF Warzone's inclusion of a creation mode was so effective that it made a lifelong wrestling fan out of me!). Robo Pit 2 keeps that customisation, but has an all-new structure, and an actual plot!

 

The plot is that the arena from the first game has been taken over by evil robots, and you have to liberate it by fighting them all. But you do so by selecting a path through a semi-linear map instead of a list of ranked opponents, so it's a little different. There's also occasional cutscenes set in a moody prerendered techno-dystopia world slightly reminiscent of Final Fantasy VII or Galerians. Slightly. These maps are made up of concentric circles, with the opponents getting more difficult towards the centre, where lies a boss. At least, I know the first one does, and I assume later ones are the same.

 

The problem is that the first boss represents a massive step up in difficulty compared to everything that came before: its standard weapons are more powerful than any you've faced up to that point, plus it can perform wrestling moves on you, which is something of which the game has made no prior mention. These wrerstling moves are, of course, devastating (wrestling is the strongest fighting style, as we all know). He even tells you in his victory quote to train and come back to fight him again. The audacity of an action game explicitly telling you to grind! Anyway, I spent almost an hour after reaching him grinding (which means fighting the exact same few opponrnts over and over) and gaining two levels. He still annihilated my robot without breaking a robo-sweat.

 

If the actual game itself was fun enough, or if the way it looked was a little more charming (while the low-poly robot models look really cool and toyetic when the camera focusses on them for their win poses, in battle they just kind of look like indistinct brightly-coloured blobs), I might have given Robo Pit 2 a bit more of a chance, maybe ground another level or two to see if I could get any further. But it doesn't. It's a somewhat silly-looking game that's very repetitive to play, and the designers, in an effort to squeeze more runtime out of it, have given it a structure that only serves to exacerbate that repetition. There's still something about this game and its forebear that make me want to root for them, but unfortunately, I do have to be honest and say that Robo Pit 2 isn't worth your time, and worse than that, it won't respect your time.

Tiny Bullets (Playstation)

 

 Judging by the title, I really expected Tiny Bullets to be another one of those excellent 3D shooting games secretly hiding in the Playstation library, like Gungage and Cosmowarrior Zero. Instead, it's more of a combination of Tomb Raider's meticulous 3D platforming and Resident Evil's simple "put the item in the hole" puzzle-solving. Also, the player character looks like a babyfaced Sonic gijinka.

 

So, you play as this blue spiky kid, and you're exploring ruins and caves and such (though apparently, you're meant to be running an errand for your grandmother). There's some kind of plot involving an evil wizard and his henchmen who have cool bird-face helmets, as well as a friendly dragon and some other guy that you meet on your travels. So, you jump and climb and shimmy around, trying to get to the village where the shop selling Grandma's medicine is, and also not getting killed by monsters or evil goons or your own clumsiness.

 

The platforming itself is slow and clunky, but in a way that makes it feel deliberate and satisfying. You jump with X, and hang onto ledges by holding O. You can jump up to a ledge and hold O to grab it instead of falling back down, or you can hold O while walking off of a ledge to grab it while you drop down. You can also grab ahold of vertical poles/pipes/etc., and shimmy from side to side along them, and while hanging like this, you can swing bak and forth to do a long jump forward. I'm describing this stuff in such exhaustive detail because it's a big part of what the game entails, and it's all fun and satisfying. In fact, I do kind of wish Tiny Bullets more platforming and less puzzle-solving. And no combat.

 

The puzzle solving, as mentioned already, is Resident Evil-like in nature. Find a key to open a door. Find a fuse to turn on a machine. Put the coloured tiles in the right slots in the right order to activate the ancient secret thingy. That kind of thing. It's fine, but in a game like this where it clearly wasn't a high priority for the designers (as opposed to Resident Evil, where the puzzles clearly were a higher design priority, and are much more interesting as a result), these puzzles feel more like they're just a way of making the game consume more time, rather than entertaining challenges.

 

The combat, as has been vriefly alluded to already, is bad and even more of a chore than the puzzles. The controls for it are interesting, at least. Your weapon is a slingshot, and you hold R2 to point it, then O to shoot it. The game lets you hold L2 to look around in first person, and you can hold L2 and R2 together to aim and shoot like that, which at least is nice. You can shoot at things like gongs to activate stuff in the stages, too. The problem is that the enemies just kind of potter about, they'll probably get a hit or two in on you while you're aiming, and after a couple of shots they die. Also for some reason, despite the detailed aiming mechanics, most of the enemies don't take damage if you snipe them from a distance. Like the puzzles, the combat feels like padding, and while it's happening, you'd much rather be jumping and clambering and generally navigating the environment, and it's a shame the developers didn't concentrate more on that instead. 

 

Tiny Bullets is a game that I think, had it gotten a worldwide release, would be fondly-remembered part of a lot of childhoods. Without nostalgia, though, it can only really stand on its own, and unfortunately, the good parts (the controls and the generally great way it feels to move around in this game) are heavily overshadowed by the bad parts (the pointless puzzles and boring combat). Having said that, I do wonder how beloved it is among Japanese players. I've never seen or heard any references to it anywhere, though. 

Battle Athletess Daiundokai GTO (Playstation)

 While looking up which came first out of the Battle Athletess anime and videogames, I found something surprising: it was neither! It originated as a radio drama! Then, the Saturn game was released before there was an anime. That Saturn game, is, I believe, a kind of girl-raising sim in the vein of Princess Maker or Graduation, and has never been translated into English. I guess they wanted to go a little more mainstream for this Playstation release, though, since it's a much more accessible (and less language dependent) racing game!

 

Being about athletes(s), they aren't utilising any kind of vehicles, instead running on foot! Unlike a lot of leg-based racing games, there's no athleticism required from the player in the form of high speed button-tapping. Instead, your selected runner goes at a consistent speed, and instead your focus as the player is on a couple of other matters. The first is avoiding the various obstacles strewn about the stages by going round them, jumping over them, or sliding under them. The second is management of your runner's stamina. You can hold up on the d-pad to run faster (or in the case of one character, ride a bike that appears from nowhere), which depletes your stamina meter. When it's all gone, your runner will stop for a few seconds to catch their breath.

 

All of this is presented in very colourful and charming 3D, and it's the presentation that's clearly the selling point here. There's definitely a lot of affection for the characters in the game: they're all voice acted, of course, and there's nice little touches like how when you lose in single player mode, the "continue?" countdown will be said out loud by the character who defeated you. They all each have their own stages, too. The cast is an international one, and the stages are all from the Street Fighter II school of harmless national stereotypes: the Russia stage is snowy and has nice architecture, the China stage takes place atop the great wall, the Japan stage is slightly futuristic and surrounded by neon signs, and so on. The protagonist is exempt from this, being Japanese, but having a stage that's in a place that looks like a mural painted on a nursery wall. (Japan is the only country represented by two characters). Finally, each character also has a semi-secret (and usually a little strange) pose that they adopt if you pause the game, no matter what they're doing at the time.

 

It's a pretty fun game! It'd probably be even moreso if played with other people (and, had I known about it back then, I can easily see it being in the rotation of versus games in my teenage bedroom around the turn of the century). The only real problem is that it's also very slight, and there's not really a lot of variation. The various playable characters don't really feel any different from each other, and though all the stages look different, and the obstacles on them have unique models and textures, mechanically, the only real difference between them is the way the obstacles are laid out. Even just having one unique element for each stage would have added a lot to the game. Maybe a special ability for each character, too. Still, as it is, it's still okay. You'll get a little bit of fun out of it on your own, and probably a lot more with opponents. It's also a very lovingly made game with a lot of charm, and I think that's worth something, too. I think it's worth a look for the curious at the very least.

Wonder Trek (Playstation)

 Among the many prominent and exciting translation patches that have been released in recent times, it feels like Wonder Trek kind of fell by the wayside, and didn't really get the attention it deserved. Which is strange, since I'm sure a basic description of what kind of game it is has at least one element that appeals to a wide range of different tastes and interests: it's an isometric open world metrovania with Prince of Persia-esque platforming, 2D sprites on 3D backgrounds, and Dizzy-style "use the item in the right place" puzzles.

 

You play as an explorer, accompanied by an elderly professor, exploring a jungle island. There's lots of animals, many of whom will attack you, and you fight back by hitting them with a piko hammer until they get annoyed and run away. Sometimes there's plants that'll attack you, too! Sometimes, an animal will talk and ask for help, like the giant catfish with an upset stomach who asks you to go inside and fix it. It turns out that he's inadvertantly swallowed an ancient golden harp. Plus he's also full of aggressive parasitic worms.

 

It's the open world element that really impresses in Wonder Trek. When you start playing, you'll find a set of giant bird footprints going down a particular path away from your camp, encouraging you to go that way. But you really don't have to! Once I'd figured this out, I started going down the other paths and found all kind of interesting things: a spider-infested fungus forest, a dungeon with traps and seemingly man-made traps in a volcano, a very aggressive pitcher plant (which was also a boss I've not yet been able to beat), and more! Most importantly, every path I took either resulted in my reeiving an item that could be used to go further down a different path, or a dead end where a specific item is obviously necessary to go further. So it's a game that's actively designed around encouraging exploring the world its built for you.

 

The movement and platforming were both a little surprising, too, and they take a little getting used to. I call this an isometric game rather than a 3D one despite the world being made of polygons because the camera is always in that same position diagonally above you, plus you can only move in the four cardinal directions, but shifted forty-five degrees. So every time you load it up and start playing, there'll probably be a few seconds where you re-orient yourself with which cardinal on the D-pad correlates to which diagonal for your character's movement. When you're paniccing in some of the more complex platforming/climbing situations, you're also likely to wiggle the pad a little, attempting to make precise movements in directions that don't exist in the game. Or at least I did.

 

As for the platforming, like I said: it's kind of like Prince of Persia in 3D. You can jump a certain distance and height, and the distance is a little further if you're running when you do so. You can also grab onto the edges of platforms and vlimb up onto them after jumping, as well as climbing down to grab onto the edge of the platform on which you're standing, to drop down a little more safely. Sometimes, there'll be something high up that the professor wants to see, and you have to escort him there. He's not as agile or strong as you when it comes to jumping and climbing, so how this works is that whenever you're hanging from the edge of something, he can jump far/high enough to cling to your back and you can then climb up with him on you. It mainly just makes things a little more time-consuming, and it's a slightly unusual take on the concept of the escort mission. But it is still an escort mission, and those are always worse than just letting the player get on with things.

 

Though it's got a few little shortcomings, like escorting the old man every now and then, Wonder Trek is a game that's definitely worthy of your time and attention. It's fun, interesting, and full of charm. I don't really have much more to say about it: seek it out, and play it!

Simple 1500 Series vol. 99 - The Kendo ~Ken no Hanamichi~ (Playstation)

 Something interesting about budget hames in particular is the way in whih the best of them manage to get a maximum amount of game with a minimum amount of resources, especially when they manage to do it without resorting to boring grinding or other timesink tactics. And The Kendo is a good example of that! Most of the characters in the game are represented by the same model with different coloured versions of the same textures. And yet, there are three single player stories, a survival mode, and a versus mode for one or two players.

 

The story mode is the most interesting part of the game, in my opinion. Everything's in Japanese, but it's easy enough to understand what's going on anyway. As mentioned, there are three stories, and they're all told with kendo matches interspersed between visual noval-style dialogue scenes using static character portraits and textboxes. The first story is about a teenage boy entering a kendo tournament, and along with winning the tournament, he also hopes to beat his bishounen rival to impress his girlfriend. 

 

Finishing that story lets you play the second, which stars a young policewoman, apparently investigating a kendo crime ring. So she corners suspects in a shady boiler room-style place and uses kendo skills to make them confess, eventually leading her to the mob's headquarters, and its leaders: a curly-moustached European knight and a sinister figure in a suit and hooded mask. The boiler room fights are done in a single hit, rather than the two-hit fights in the previous tournament story, so it's clear that the developers were doing what they could to add a little variety to what could have easily become a very repetitive game.

 

The final story mode has as its protagonist a man in his late forties, who seems to be working in some kind of industry that's a combination of pro-wrestling and kendo, complete with a sleazy McMahon-esque promoter and the involvement of organised crime. Unfortunately, this is where my Japanese illiteracy causes problems: it seems like in this story, you have to ensure that specific things happen in the match to progress, and I'm not sure exactly what those things are. I manage to eventually luck my way to the third stage, but it eventually became clear that I wasn't going to get any further.

 

The actual kendo action is pretty good. You can move forward and back, as well as into and out of the screen, and each of the four face buttons represents a different offensive or defensive move. You can even feint by pressing two buttons in quick succession, letting you stop one move midway and immediately perform a different one. The obvious comparison to make is to the SG-1000 game Champion Kendo, since it's both a game I love and as far as I know, the only other kendo game. The Kendo focusses on one-on-one matches that are decided by first-to-two-points, as opposed to Champion Kendo's five-on-five elimination matches. It's also a lot more fair than Champion Kendo, which, as much as I love it, does seem to rely a lot of randomness. There's definitely a lot more skill involved in this game. 

 

Whether you speak Japanese or not, this is a game I think is worth playing. Despite being tehnically a better game, it won't replace Champion Kendo in my regular rotation, but that's because I like that game's more arcadey score-chasing structure. But this game is a smartly-conceived and well-executed exercise in game design, and in getting the most out of limited resources. So I do recommend it, especially if you are interested in videogames as a creative medium.

Blood Lines (Playstation)

 Everyone loves to read about Japan-exclusive Playstation games, but Blood Lines is part of a much rarer breed: PAL-exclusive Playstation games! Despite that, someone at Sony Europe must have had some faith in it, as I remember playing it on a magazine demo disc back at the time. I especially remember the line "LOSING BECOMES YOU!" that one of the characters shouts after winning a round, in an exagerrated posh accent.

 

But after winning a round of what? A combination of tig, and a four corners strap wrestling match. Also, it's set in some kind of dystopian future. How it works is that you and your opponent start in the middle of a small 3D platform stage, at strategic points of which are a bunch of energy field things. These fields start off green (neutral), until the first player touches one. Then, that field changes to be their colour, and they become the active player, so they can touch the others to make them their colour. Turn all except one of the things to your colour to win the match.

 

If you're not the active player, you've got to chase them, and when you catch them, you'll do a wrestling move to them and become the active player yourself. All the while, both players can keep tapping square to shoot little homing projectiles at each other, the effect of which isn't exactly clear, but I think the active player getting hit brings them a tiny amount closer to their opponent, and the passive player getting hit sends them a tiny amount further away.

 

It's an interesting idea to make a gritty sci-fi version of a game most people left behind in primary school, and it kind of pays off? Like, this is a pretty fun game! I imagine, if you could somehow convince someone to play it with you, you'd both have a good time. And, in an even more far-fetched scenario, you might even set up a multi-tap and get three other people to play with you, in the four player party mode. In this mode, there are obviously four characters in play at the same time, and two can be active at any times. THe aim is still to turn all but one of the fields your colour, though. It really seems like this could be a nice bit of chaotic fun if you could get it running with the right group of people. I do wonder if it's ever actually been played with a full cohort outside of the developer's offices, though. 

 

Blood Lines is a fun game! It's decent enough as a solo player and though I can only speak on multiplayer from a theoretical standpoint, like I said: if you've got a group that's willing to try out something a little strange and different, I think you'll get a lot out of it.

Yoyo's Puzzle Park (Playstation)

 There's some slightly odd circumstances surrounding the release of this game. Firstly, it's one of those games with a massive gap between its Japanese release (1996) and its western release (1999). Also, in Japan, it's called Gussun Paradise, which is a better name for it than Yoyo's Puzzle Park for two reasons. The first is that it lets you know that it's a spinoff from the Gussun Oyoyo series of puzzle games, and the second is that the reason it's a spinoff and not one of the main entries is that it's not a puzzle game. Instead, it's a Bubble Bobble-like: a single screen platformer in which you have to kill every enemy to progress, and also you score more points by killing multiple enemies in one go.

 

Unfortunately, every game in this genre is expected to have its own novel way of killing its enemies, that allows for that multi-kill high score play, and by 1996 the well seems to have been running dry. How it works here is that there are enemies going around, and they kill you if you touch them. You can stun them by shooting at them with one of those cone-shaped party poppers, which also knocks them back a little bit, so you can (labouriously) get them where you want them to be. There are also living bombs with faces that just kind of passively sit around. You can't shoot them with your popper, but you can go right up to them and kick them, or you can jump on them from above or headbutt them from below. Any of these nudges them a bit, and lights their fuse. Naturally, their explosions are pretty big, and they kill anyone caught in them, friend or foe.

 

It's awkward, slow, and just generally not fun at all. The worst part of it all is that the bombs regenerate where they exploded, and while you can kick them off of the edge of platforms, but there's no way to get them back to higher parts of the screen. Meanwhile, the enemies, when not stunned, can jump up to higher levels at will, meaning that you'll spend a lot of time stunning enemies and kicking them down the stage to get them to the bombs that are stuck down there. There's some interesting power-ups, at least, in the form of vehicle/animal/rubber ring things that go around your waist and give you new abilities, like flight or long-range shots. I don't think there's any that just let you directly kill enemies, though, like there are in most games of this type.

 

Though I found playing the game itself fiddly and tedious, there are some things I liked about the presentation. The map screen, from whence you pick which set of stages you're going to tackle is a very nice bit of pixel art. In fact, the game's premise is a stamp rally around the various different areas of a theme park, and it really commits to this concept in things like the save and load screens and such. Stages will do gimmicky things based on where in the park they're meant to be, too: in the aquarium, there's rising and falling water levels, with some enemies floating at the top of it, on a flight simulator, the entire screen tilts, and so on. Something else nice is the unusually human way the options are phrased: instead of "new game" and "load game", there's "play from the beginning" and "continue", while "play on my own", and "two of us play" take the place of "one player" and "two player". It's immediately noticable and adds a lot of charm.

 

Like you might have figured out, I didn't enjoy playing Yoyo's Puzzle Park, and I don't recommend it. At least, I don't recommend playing it and expecting a fun game. Give it a quick go to see how nicely presented it is, though. Then you can properly lament what a chore the actual game is. I'm surprised to learn, from a quick look at ebay, that copies are less than a hundred pounds, but still a lot more than I'd recommend paying. 

Magical Date (Playstation)

 Back in the ancient past when I reviewed Graduation, I mentioned that I've never been able to do well with the stat-heavy micromangaement of games like that and Tokimeki Memorial. Which is kind of a shame, as when I was about 14, the idea of there being games themed around dating like that was really interesting to me. Of course, none of them were available in English at that time, so the distant curiosity is all there was. And by the time translations for them did start to appear, I'd already long since lost interest in them! If only I'd known back then about Magical Date: Doki Doki Kokuhaku Daisakusen (Magical Date: The Great Heart-Pounding Love Confession Strategy).

 

This is a game about going on dates, and though I'd not played it until the recent translation patch came out, it would have been almost completely playable without Japanese knowledge. And almost as importantly, without an interest in complex and detailed stat management. Instead, it's a collection of minigames, all completely unrelated to the situation you're in. You pick one of three girls, and then a date destination. You're then shown a path made up of a few squares leading to the destination, each of which represents a mini-game. You could compare the set up to Bishi Bashi, or Tanto-R, but personally, it feels to me a lot like Tenkomori Shooting, but without the shooting (mostly). Maybe it's just the polygons making me feel that way, though.

 

The games are pretty varied, there's stuff that really takes advantage of being in 3D like identifying a giant 3D letter that you can only see from the sides, or counting the number of cubes in a rotating formation. Simple classics like the old "find the pairs of cards" memory test, and skill/reaction type games like flying a seagull through some rings (this once being excellently entitled "Seagull Aeronautics"), shooting down Adamski-type UFOs with your laser eyes, or punching giant faces that grow out of the walls. One per date, you'll also be asked a series of yes or no questions by your paramour, and while you can't lose lives in these bits, you are still scored on them, and doing well and increase your affection meter a stage. These parts are the only ones (that I've encountered) that would have required Japanese knowledge if the game hadn't been translated, and like I said: even they aren't super-important. Possibly a concession to the fact that you're expected to know which answer would be preferred, when the questions are being asked by an approximation of a mid-90s Japanese teenager as written by who I assume was an adult male game developer.

 

Magical Date is a decent enough game, but unless you have someone with whom to play it competitively (The empty space for a second player is marked on some screens with "Love Rival Wanted!", so I guess you're both vying for the affection of the same girl, rather than some kind of boy versus girl aggressive date situation), it probably won't hold your attention for long. The big draw is probably the very charming mid-90s polygonal graphics, which are admittedly very nice, and the minigame format means that there's a bit of variety to them to, unconstrained by the necessity of any kind of cohesion. Download the fan translation, play it for a while, take some screenshots or gifs, and move on. Though I do think it would've got a lot of playtime if I'd known about and been able to get a copy of it back around the year 2000.

Building Crush! (Playstation)

 This is a hard post to write, and one I really hoped I wouldn't have to. The reason it's a hard post to write is because Building Crush! is an awful game, and everytime I loaded it up, I dreaded actually playing it. The reason I hoped that I wouldn't have to write it is because I'd originally planned to write about a differrent Playstation game, Buckle Up. Buckle Up is a pretty interesting semi-open world driving game that I think is kind of inspired by Dukes of Hazzard? But unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to get past the first mission, so here's Building Crush! instead.

 

Building Crush! is a colour-matching puzzle game themed around the idea of competitive building demolition (or crushing, if you will). You and your opponent each stand on a window-washer's platform in front of a tall building. The buildings are made of cubes in various colours, most with windows on them. The windows are constantly opening and closing, and you have to throw bombs into them when they're open, then detonate them. When you destroy a cube in this way, any cubes touching it that are the same colour will also explode. Furthermore, the cubes above will fall down, and if they do so in a manner that creates a formation of four or more touching cubes of the same colour, those formations will then explode, creating the traditional competitive puzzle game chain reactions. 

 

So far it doesn't sound too bad, right? The main problem is that the game is incredibly slow. Moving around is slow and throwing the bombs is slow (and made worse when a window closes and your bomb just falls down uselessly). The only way to win a round is to destroy every last cube of which your building is composed, so rounds take several long minutes to finish, and each stage is a best-of-three match. Making things worse is that some cubes don't have windows, and can only be destroy either by linking them to same-coloured ones that do, or by repeatedly (and slowly) hitting them with many bombs until they eventually crack and disappear. And no matter how well you plan things, you'll always end up with at least one of these at the end of a round.

 

Another complication comes in the form of random objects that sometimes fall down from the 'bove. If they hit you, they actually slow things down in two ways! First, you're momentarily stunned. Then, a witch will fly onscreen and change one of the windowed cubes onscreen into an unwindowed cube. It's all a shame, as I'm sure the basic concept of the game could have been fun. It needed to be a lot faster, louder and more manic, and maybe have a lot bigger explosions and maybe some numbers flying around the place when you score big chains. As it is, it really feels like the developers were anxious about possibly over-stimulating players or something, like they might have had a good idea once, but stripped away all the fun and excitement, chasing some theoretical puzzle game player that won't play anything that isn't sedate. That's all conjecture on my part, of course. I doubt there's ever been or will ever be a developer interview related to a low budget Japan-only console-exclusive puzzle game from 1996.

 

Obviously, I don't recommend Building Crush! That exclamation mark at the end of its name is the most exciting thing about it. I guess it's also worth mentioning that your character has a little animated facepic thing that appears (and blocks your view) when you're doing well, and you actually make the face using a little photofit-type thing before you play. That's mildly impressive. Also one of the stage backgrounds is a photo of some people (presumably the developers) having a nice time in a nightclub, which is the kind of thing you don't really see in commercial videogames anymore.